I woke up from the few hours of sleep I got this morning and completely aching all over. I knew it'd be one of those mornings that would be very difficult to get through, and even harder to get over. Whenever I start off the morning in a funk, I can't help sometimes but let it seep over to the rest of the day. I got a nasty email from my boss, and I had a huge exam in a matter of hours. All I could think of was how hard my life was. I continued to complain in my head the whole way to school, then after I found a parking spot in a matter of seconds since it was so early, rather than celebrate (which I normally would have done, a a parking spot does merit some celebrating around here), I continued to think of how hard classes were, how I was really sick of being stuck in the house studying for hours on end without the luxury of knowing for sure I'd end up in medical school or knowing anything for sure for that matter.
I found a seat with an electrical outlet, almost instantly as I walked into the HPA building...this too merited some celebration, but I just buttoned up my sweater and thought about how freezing the room was. Why was God torturing me today? It wasn't bad enough I was aching, exhausted with school, annoyed with work issues, and feeling ragged. I was also going to be freezing cold for the next few hours. I got settled and login to check the usual email, myUCF, then Webcourses and looked at the assignments I had before me.
First was our Question of the Week #2. I had looked at it over the weekend and wondered about how real I wanted it to feel. So I decided to hold off until the week got rolling and look back on it as if it happened over the long weekend. I knew if it had really happened I would have thought about it all weekend and into the work and school week. Something about it being a family member, and something about being the only one who knew made me feel important and needed, and even more concerned. It did feel real, and I realized I didn't know nearly enough abotu HIV to have been there for my virtual cousin. I know this class will make a big difference in how confident and comfortable I feel in the future being able to talk to someone about or with HIV.
Anyway, so once I finished writing my answer to the QOTW, that's when my day began to turn around. I thought about the cousin... how did my little complaints measure up to the amount of worry she had keeping such a big secret to herself? What about how she felt. Sure, I felt achy and tired this morning, but how often did she feel "not-so-good"? How often did she feel cold? How often did she feel alone? I suddenly felt very embarrassed by my attitude this morning. How narcissistic of me... what did I really have to complain about?
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I love how after thinking about your "cousin" you had a total epiphany. It happens to all of us, we have bad days and annoyances and we feel like everything bad is always happening to us. It is super easy to have those moments where it feels like you are at the lowest of the lows. If we all just took a step back and realized that we have the gift of health and those infected do not we wouldn't be as annoyed with things. People infected with HIV/AIDS have so much more to deal with. They are without good health and may not have a long life ahead of them. We should all be thankful for what we have and realize there are worse things that could happen to us.
ReplyDeleteI also celebrate when I come on campus and can find a parking place. This idea that we are charged for the privilege to hunt is idiotic. I like how you turned your day around by thinking of your virtual cousin. There are times when I wonder how much longer I can continue to teach and then a student will do something that makes it all worth while. I look forward to your growth in the class.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone can relate to you! Everybody needs some self empathy. :-) However, you were able to realize that your life really wasn't that horrible, unfortunately at the risk of someone's life whos is much more complicated. Instead of feeling embarrased I would take it as a realization (as you did) to apply it someone else's hardships and find a way to make it better. As related to this class, maybe you could help promote AIDS awareness or donate to help find a cure. :-)
ReplyDeleteI understand you completely I have an auto immune disorder and I may need a bone marrow transplant but I understand that there are people out there that have it ten times worse than I do whether its cancer or HIV/AIDS etc. Everyone has one of those days where they feel bad for themselves its just human nature but we can also feel grateful for all that we do have.
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